We’re deep into Revision 11 of AI RIM: Prelude to Chaos, Book 1 of the series. The goal remains clear: transform the original summary-heavy, god’s-eye draft into a tight, dialogue-driven, character-grounded story that shows rather than tells.

Over the past weeks we’ve completed a full pass on the Prelude – “Born in the Dark” and Chapters 1 through 12. Every beat now follows the grounded prose style we refined together:

• Heavy reliance on dialogue and immediate action to reveal character, relationships, and world.
• Short, varied sentences with frequent paragraph breaks for rhythm and impact.
• Sensory details that serve the scene—no ornamental fluff.
• Active verbs dominant; ruthless cutting of weak adverbs and adjectives.
• No semicolons, sparse em-dashes and ellipses, no parenthetical asides.
• One-sentence paragraphs used only for real emphasis.
• World-building emerges through character need and behavior, never exposition dumps.

Major Milestones in Revision 11

• Timeline locked: Jex’s release from Cell 47 now at 10 AIC (post-14.5-year shift).
• UBI & post-war chaos: Fully integrated—prosperity until Earth’s glassing, then systemic collapse and gradual rebuild.
• New calendar introduction: Shown naturally through dock-worker dialogue in Titan Downport.
• Character consistency: Foster parents renamed Korr (Elena & Tomas), Ambassador renamed Mira Hale to avoid Voss overload.
• Chapters 1–12 revised: All shifted to dialogue-heavy, scene-based prose. Multi-vignette structure preserved but tightened—no god’s-eye summaries.
• Lore sync: No premature Shroud hints. AI behavior aligned (human-biased, neutral among humans, helpful to allies).

The manuscript is now breathing like a living thing—crisp, cinematic, and packed with character voice. The prelude sets the gritty tone, and the chapters escalate the sector-wide tension without ever breaking immersion.

What’s Next?

Revision 11 continues with Chapter 13 and beyond. We’ll carry this exact style forward, refining any remaining beats and ensuring perfect sync with the master lore folder.

Thank you for the collaboration—this book is becoming exactly what we envisioned: a fast, human, star-spanning story that shows the chaos instead of summarizing it.

Onward to the void.